Honestly. The major actors in a film usually have contractual demands that do most of the work for you: "My face must take up 50% of the entire sheet. I must appear at least 3 times in 3 different outfits. My name must be either on fire or made out of shiny metal." The biggest challenge then is how to convey the high-concept plotlines that Hollywood is farting out these days in a single panel that can be understood by your average mouth-breather.
With that in mind, I present the poster for "Premonition."
Look at that fucking calendar. That is the most hilarious thing I have ever seen. Just look at it. It's like a 4 year-old put it together. Let me tell you, the first thing I do when I find out someone I love is going to die, is mark it on my calendar. Then, if I'm wrong, I'll probably be annoyed and have to correct it. With a red pen. So there's no confusion this time. This is retarded. What if the "Memento" poster had Guy Pierce holding a big cardboard sign that read, "I can't remember stuff." Or if "The Crying Game" ads featured a thought bubble that said, "I hope no one finds out I have a dingus." Come on.
And by the way, if this movie is called "Premonition" wouldn't you find out that Jim dies BEFORE Jim dies? It's not exactly exciting to discover that someone is going to die yesterday. My Lord. That's not even a premonition! It's just a monition.
Sandra Bullock really doesn't need this kind of help keeping people from the cinemas. Her career started off very promising during the early 90s, but since she hired a helper monkey to pick her scripts for her, Bullock has all the credibility of President Bush wearing a fake Hitler moustache. In other words, the best way to get me to not see a movie is to remind me of cinematic turds like "Practical Magic" and "Miss Congeniality 2." All of her films boil down to her getting real choked up and fanning her face with both hands.
It's not your imagination. This is one of the worst posters ever. Just edging out Tim Allen's scary human-eyes-on-a-dog from the "Shaggy Dog"...
And Eddie Murphy getting us to hate him twice at the same time with "Norbit"...
Living the good lie
Boom Chicago
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