More Computer-Generated Crap

Transformers, Squid-Faced Pirates, and Bruce Willis. There are no longer any real human beings being used in summer blockbusters.

I just did a two-day binge of "Live Free or Die Hard" and "Transformers", and the logic centers of my brain are still hurting. Don't get me wrong, there were a couple good mindless moments to be had in each movie, but with all the explosions and last-minute close calls edited to digital precision, I can't help but get the sense that Hollywood has forgotten what real people are supposed to be like.

What few biological organisms enter the frame are usually the same thinly-drawn stereotypes. I imagine Michael Bay, terrified that his film won't break box office records, mercilessly rubbing a flaccid penis with increasing ferocity instead of just taking five minutes to relax and let the damn thing rise on its own.

I think people are fooled into liking this crap because they are constantly being told they are supposed to. But we don't need a dizzying array of loud sounds and blurred cgi to be entertained. Even in an action film. The first "Die Hard", if you will recall, was actually a GOOD MOVIE. In many ways, it created what we know as the modern action film genre, and what did it have? Like one or two explosions? The reason that it worked was two-fold:

One, John McClane was vulnerable. People can relate to a guy whose marriage is on the rocks and when he walks on broken glass, it fucking HURTS.

Two, Carl Winslow is in it and that's just awesome.

Nowadays, every action star is the same. Humanity is stripped away frame by frame until they all become the Terminator. Case and point: watch this scene from the latest "Die Hard" movie as Bruce Willis fist-fights a fighter jet... and wins:



Living the good lie

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